I'm Not Self-Centered, I'm the Best

I've been reading all of my old posts, and I am the funniest and best person I know! I'm almost crying from my excellent humor! How did I become so riotous?

And since I know you all are always interested in news that has to do with me, I graced the employees of the local Improbable Purchases store with my most marvelous presence to inform them that they were totally at fault for my overdose of Essence of Self-Esteem, and that I was deeply insulted that I needed a tonic to appreciate how riveting I actually am. I want the Essence of Self-Esteem to be removed from my system.

After laughing for fifteen minutes (they could just sense the aura of my most striking humor), they said that if I 'came to terms with my own flaws', my self-esteem would sink back down to its normal level.

*scoffs* What flaws?

Whatever.

Read about me taking Essence of Self-Esteem here.

I'm the Most Humble and Intelligent Person Ever, and You are Lucky to Know Me

I bought some Essence of Self-Esteem at the local Improbable Purchases store, because some people think that I don't have enough of it. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem to be working. Oh, well. I'm sure you'll notice a change in my attitude over the next few posts.

On to the post.

A lot of things have happened to me in the last week.

School started.

I got my first ever cell phone.

Now, these two I had no control over. If I had any control over the education system, I wouldn't be here right now. And you would be working for me.

*OMINOUS CRASHES OF THUNDER AND LIGHTNING*

And a cell phone was not my choice either. I would prefer not to have one, actually, but telling this story would disclose too much personal information than I ever want to tell the Internet.

But the third thing is something which is a shame, shame, shame of mine.

I have two pairs of skinny jeans.

If you don't know me, you might find it difficult to understand why this upsets me. Well, because I've always thought that I was better than that. Better than falling for some trend so that I could be 'cool'.

I tormented myself with this for a while, and then several sprigs of reason sprouted into my mind.

1. Under NO circumstances, in any way in this lifetime will I EVER, EVER, EVER be considered cool, and one style of clothing is not going to make me this way. Really. Even if I wore a shirt that said 'I am cool" it would be a lie. (Actually, anyone who wears a shirt proclaiming that they are cool is automatically not cool.)
2. What is cool, anyway? It's an illusion. Pants cannot make someone cool. What are they without the pants? Pantless, that's what. Pantless and uncool and probably embarrassed because they aren't wearing any pants, and today was the day that they chose to wear their favorite Care-Bears underwear. So, being cool is actually embarrassing and painful. (If you stay in school, you can be as smart as me but not really.)
3. If I had bought these pants at the start of skinny jeans trend, then I would be a stupid trend follower. But I didn't. So there. (Cold comfort. And I find that comfort is best served with a side of chocolate and sympathy. Oh, self! You are so good at turning an already bad joke into a prolonged, obscure, worse one. You are so smart.)

I know there are people who follow fashion closely, and I'm not saying that they are idiots. I'm saying that 'tis more important to wear what you want to wear, even if it looks kind of awful, than to only follow what other people think is cool and not look like yourself at all.

Sometimes, I feel as though all of my moral principals are not common. That not everyone thinks the way I do.

And then I realize that I'm right, and I congratulate myself heartily and appreciate how lucky I am to know a person as smart as me.

Look at how humble I am in this post. Ah, that's one of the things I love most about myself.

*OMINOUS CRASHES OF THUNDER AND LIGHTNING*

I thought I turned my Ominous Crashes of Thunder and Lightning Machine (patent pending) off! Can't even trust myself anymore, no matter how unbelievable a prodigy I am.

Quote for Saturday, August 28, 2010:

I am the only good person for quotes anymore. Ha!

-New, Brimming-with-Confidence Me

Muse for Today:

Gasp! I may have overdosed on Essence of Self-Esteem! The people at the Improbable Store warned me about this! They called it... Overconfidence. They said that after overdosing Essence of Self-Esteem, there is no going back!

Well, who said that that's a bad thing? I'm so amazing, it's only right that I should appreciate what an intelligent, witty, superior, popular, funny, lovable, talented, fantastic, nimble, literate, good-smelling, enviable genius I am! Besides, I never do anything wrong, so my overdose of Essence of Self-Esteem was the fault of the people at the Improbable Purchases store for selling me too much of it. Ugh, corporate people. They'll never be like me, their brains are too diminutive to handle everything that I know!

Sorry this Muse is so long... I became so lost in my excellent word choice...

One More Thing

Oh. Right. Guess who hasn't read the Atlantis Complex yet? And guess who else is rubbing it in my face by blogging about it? All the time?

(This is, in case you hadn't noticed, a VERY SORE SUBJECT.)

Books, Barnes and Noble and Me

Hello. I know it's been a while.

In Which I Complain and Exhibit Several Reasons Why I Need Therapy

I am a very easily anxious person. I worry about everything, and recently my worrying has hit a fever pitch because I am starting at a brand new school, and I am disgustingly scared.

I am finding ridiculous things to worry about.

It's getting out of hand. Really out of hand.

Have you ever felt so worried you can't breathe? Is this not normal?

And here. The world has handed me something else to fret unreasonably about.

Barnes and Noble is going up for sale and possibly out of business. Read the article here. Or HERE. They're both the same, click on your favorite one.

I learned this during my latest trawling through Yahoo! and I was somewhat worried.

Like most bookworms who live in the U.S., I have frequented B&N many times, and while I have a nice indie bookstore quite close, Barnes and Noble is a lot better organized and I go there when I'm looking for something specific, like a book for school or something. (The independent bookstore is good for serendipity.)

The article said that physical copies of products, like books and CDs, are slowly dying out because people opt for the digital version instead.

I often buy digital CDs, because most of the music I like is from YouTube musicians, and I don't see the sense in paying extra for shipping when I can buy the digital copy.

But books!

I grew up with books as closer friends than almost anybody else I knew. I had a fair smattering of friends (Am I lying? You decide!) but they paled in comparison to Junie B. Jones; Anne Shirley; the Bailey School Kids (Howie, Eddie, Melody and Liza); and Charlie Bucket. (I was really trying not to put anything Harry Potter related in there, because it seems like everything I put on this here blog has at least one HP plug.)

The actual feeling of holding the book in your hand, really turning the pages, losing the book because you left it at the kitchen table- these are some things that even the iPad (in all its fairly deserved glory) cannot replicate.

It's sad that a whole generation of kids is not going to be able to experience that. Someday in the future, people will be keeping paper books in museums like we keep hieroglyphics, and parents will be pointing at them in their glass cases and saying to their children, "See, honey? People used to read off of those. They didn't download information directly into their brains like you do."

That day is looming larger.

I'm all for the Internet, and it's great that people can hold their entire library- their entire lives- in the palm of their hand, but books are just nice once in a while.

Show some love. Buy a book.

(dramatic ending)

And now I'm back to thinking about school and I'm panicking. AARGH. Why is summer so SHORT?