Mildly (Very) Discontented

Today has been an awful way, in that way when small bad things chip away at you until you're completely weary of everything and you simply want to scream.

I'm sick of people thinking they're so clever, thinking they know what's best for me. I'm sick of being ordered around and expected to obey and be enthusiastic about it. I'm also sick of modest people. I'm not sure where that came from, but I complimented a friend of mine, and felt a little sick by how modest she was. Honestly. Accept my compliment! Pete's sake!

Also, today has been some kind of fashion show of people parading around, proving that they're better than me. And that's separate from the two actual shows, the fair and the talent show, both places where people proved they're bloody good. God's sake. I get it. I GET IT. Now shove off!

Not in a good mood at all.

Another low note: I have been listening to Lady Gaga's Born This Way over...and over...and over...

Why do I keep listening to this? (BABY, I WAS BORN THIS WAY! I need to stop.)

Stupid Things I Wrote

Again, I'm an idiot. This is yesterday's.

Embarrassment lies ahead.

I was cleaning my room today, which basically entails me shoving a bunch of stuff onto my floor and spending hours reading over it. I was cleaning out the side of my desk, and I found my old journal from the second grade. I thought that thing was lost. (Now that I've read it, I wish that thing was lost.)

My second grade teacher made us write a bit in a journal every single day before we started class. I fancied myself a bit of a writer back then, so I wrote long, detailed stories in my journal that would often continue over days and days.

Most of my stories were about witches who went as themselves for Halloween (I wrote about Halloween all the bloody time) and got a whole load of candy and had cats named Spiderweb and Brownie. They were always named something like that. Or I would write about me, in some Junie B. Jones-induced fantasy where I had two best friends named Lacy (like Lucille, Junie B. Jones's friend) and Gracella (Junie B. Jones's best friend) and we had horses named Brownie and Blackie and Yellowy, just like Junie B. and Grace and Lucille had in the books. And K, my little brother, often featured as some Ollie-type-irritating-baby-in-the background.

And multiple other shaming anecdotes such as those.

So I went to the deepest pits of hell and hid my badly-written (but lovable?) second-grade notebook somewhere where no one but Kronos could find it, and turned to my desk again.

But, my friend, the pain did not end there. No, I chose to inadvertently prolong my chagrin.

I opened an old red notebook of mine to a page that was...seemingly random.

But it wasn't.

It wasn't at all.

It was actually a page of my undoing.

That page.

That page had the beginning of some weird story where I was friends with Ron Weasley and Harry Potter and they were sending me Honeydukes chocolate in the mail and inviting me to the Quidditch World Cup, because we were fourth-years and best friends.

So basically, when I was eight, I wrote bad AU fanfiction, inserting my childish self into the story.

I stopped cleaning my desk after that.

Quote for Thursday, April 28, 2011:

And so shines a good deed...in a weary world.

-Craig Benzine

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ewjld3_EIrU&feature=related)

Muse for Today:

Only during BEDA would I tell that to the Internet.

A Short Thought

I have got nothing to say today. BEDA can be really annoying, because you get so many posts like this rubbish one. What's the point in writing when you don't have anything to say?

Discipline, I suppose. Because if someday, you have a faint, far-off dream of living off of this writing, you need to train yourself to spew interesting as often as possible.

Huh. I've got some work to do, then. But unfortunately, I also have a physics test tomorrow.

Quote for Wednesday, April 27, 2011:

If you only do what you know you can do- you never do very much.

-Tom Krause

(http://thinkexist.com/quotations/inspiration/)

Muffins and Hatred and Participation

1. I had a muffin for breakfast today. It was really good. Hatred doesn't apply to muffins. Hatred never applies to muffins.

2. I was extremely angsty today. I am nevereverever overly angsty, but some people. SOME PEOPLE just don't know what to say when. Or they try to start an argument. Those idiots make me SO MAD. Today, my reasons for being impatient with these three people were as follows:

1) Exactly how bloody insecure do you think I am? Do I present myself as so incompetent that you think I can't do anything?

2) No, I just hate this one. This person is loud, obnoxious, and every single thing she does makes my fingers twist in knots. She has no excuse for acting the way she does...although she thinks she does, and she plays from that.

3) I generally hate her, too, because she's just plain mean, but today she was being so self-important and racist that I just wanted to hit her in the face. And no one else was saying anything. Who thinks that her opinions are okay? Who honestly condones her ignorant idiocy?

AAAH angst over. (But not really. It'll come back. Someday. *stares into distance*)

3. Actually, another thing I hate (but there's no angst here) is participation. I'm so smart when I'm saying how dumb other people are when they can't talk in class, but when it comes time for me to participate (or gods forbid, actually participate myself) I sound like a good natured idiot who puffs up her ego the rest of her life.

I hate ambush participation, too. Could you be more evil? (Yes, yes you could. But still.)

4. I hate math. I hate math a lot. Is this new for me? I can't remember. It is the enemy of my good. I'm not using that quote correctly. But I don't care. Because I hate math. That made no sense. Unless the quote is about math. Which it isn't. Yerk.

Quote for Tuesday, April 26, 2011:

Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing.

-Harriet Braiker

Muse for Today (and possibly forever?):

http://www.yesandyes.org/2011/03/dont-be-jealous-no-really-dont.html

Music Meme Strikes Back

Yes. I did a thingy like this a while ago. But I actually like iPod shuffle memes, so I'm doing another one. And when else would I do it but April?

INSTRUCTIONS:

1. Put your music player on shuffle.

2. Press forward for each question.

3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn’t make sense. NO CHEATING!

How do you feel today?

Bread/Charlie McDonnell

"How are you?"

"Oh, you know. I'm pretty bread. Nothing unusual."

"Really? I felt kind of bread last week. Took some butter, felt a lot better."

"Oh, thanks, man."

"Anytime, man."

What’s your outlook on life?

Gravity/Sara Bareilles

What does your family think of you?

The Godfather: Part II/Harry and the Potters

What do your friends think of you?

I'm Gonna Kill You/Hank Green

Now what exactly does my iPod know about my friends that I don't?

What do strangers think of you?

Just a Boy/Alan Lastufka and Tom Milsom

What. Do I need to grow my hair more? Wear high heels? What exactly do you want, iPod?

What do your exes think of you?

When I'm Sixty-Four/The Beatles

How’s your love life?

With a Little Help From My Friends/The Beatles [again]

I thought they wanted to kill me, now they're setting up my love life?

How will your love life be in the future?

The World is Mine (I Don't Know Anything)/Alex Day

Will you get married?

The Kids Are Alright/The Who

Presumably, years and years and years in the future, my friends who (still) hate me set me up with some serial killer. We are unexpectedly happy together and our kids are alright. Yay.

Are you good at school?

Smells Like Teen Spirit/Nirvana

So...no.

Will you be successful?

Fluorescent Adolescent/Arctic Monkeys

What song should they play on your birthday?

The Birthday Song/Charlie McDonnell

Oh my gods I swear I didn't set this up this is really blooming perfect!

What song should they play at your graduation?

Today Was A Fairytale/Taylor Swift

The Soundtrack of your life?

Mrs. Nerimon/ALL CAPS

Um. Yes, Alex Day is a funny guy. His videos are neat. His obsessions are quirky. But no. Not at all. Sorry.

You and your best friends are?

Sunday Bloody Sunday/U2
What is this? Blood? My death? I'M SO AFRAID.

Happy times:

Wintersong/Tom Milsom

Sad times:

Take a Chance on Me/ABBA

Every day:

The Mirror Song [feat. Kristina Horner]/Alan Lastufka and Tom Milsom

For tomorrow:

Fireflies/Owl City

More like for yesterday. I liked this song only last summer. It's still nice, I guess.

For you:

Bridge Over Troubled Water/Simon and Garfunkel

What does next year have in store for me?

House Song/Ministry of Magic

Finally going to Hogwarts YEAH.

What do I say when life gets too hard?

They/Tom Milsom

I can see that.

What song will I dance to at my wedding?

Stayin' Alive/Bee Gees

Oh gods no. Please no.

What do you want as your career?

We Didn't Start the Fire/Billy Joel

A fireperson?

Your favorite saying?

My Dad is Rich/Draco and the Malfoys

WHY DOES MY iPOD LIE ABOUT ME SO BLOODY MUCH?

How will I die?

Stuck in a Moment/U2