I'm the Most Humble and Intelligent Person Ever, and You are Lucky to Know Me

I bought some Essence of Self-Esteem at the local Improbable Purchases store, because some people think that I don't have enough of it. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem to be working. Oh, well. I'm sure you'll notice a change in my attitude over the next few posts.

On to the post.

A lot of things have happened to me in the last week.

School started.

I got my first ever cell phone.

Now, these two I had no control over. If I had any control over the education system, I wouldn't be here right now. And you would be working for me.

*OMINOUS CRASHES OF THUNDER AND LIGHTNING*

And a cell phone was not my choice either. I would prefer not to have one, actually, but telling this story would disclose too much personal information than I ever want to tell the Internet.

But the third thing is something which is a shame, shame, shame of mine.

I have two pairs of skinny jeans.

If you don't know me, you might find it difficult to understand why this upsets me. Well, because I've always thought that I was better than that. Better than falling for some trend so that I could be 'cool'.

I tormented myself with this for a while, and then several sprigs of reason sprouted into my mind.

1. Under NO circumstances, in any way in this lifetime will I EVER, EVER, EVER be considered cool, and one style of clothing is not going to make me this way. Really. Even if I wore a shirt that said 'I am cool" it would be a lie. (Actually, anyone who wears a shirt proclaiming that they are cool is automatically not cool.)
2. What is cool, anyway? It's an illusion. Pants cannot make someone cool. What are they without the pants? Pantless, that's what. Pantless and uncool and probably embarrassed because they aren't wearing any pants, and today was the day that they chose to wear their favorite Care-Bears underwear. So, being cool is actually embarrassing and painful. (If you stay in school, you can be as smart as me but not really.)
3. If I had bought these pants at the start of skinny jeans trend, then I would be a stupid trend follower. But I didn't. So there. (Cold comfort. And I find that comfort is best served with a side of chocolate and sympathy. Oh, self! You are so good at turning an already bad joke into a prolonged, obscure, worse one. You are so smart.)

I know there are people who follow fashion closely, and I'm not saying that they are idiots. I'm saying that 'tis more important to wear what you want to wear, even if it looks kind of awful, than to only follow what other people think is cool and not look like yourself at all.

Sometimes, I feel as though all of my moral principals are not common. That not everyone thinks the way I do.

And then I realize that I'm right, and I congratulate myself heartily and appreciate how lucky I am to know a person as smart as me.

Look at how humble I am in this post. Ah, that's one of the things I love most about myself.

*OMINOUS CRASHES OF THUNDER AND LIGHTNING*

I thought I turned my Ominous Crashes of Thunder and Lightning Machine (patent pending) off! Can't even trust myself anymore, no matter how unbelievable a prodigy I am.

Quote for Saturday, August 28, 2010:

I am the only good person for quotes anymore. Ha!

-New, Brimming-with-Confidence Me

Muse for Today:

Gasp! I may have overdosed on Essence of Self-Esteem! The people at the Improbable Store warned me about this! They called it... Overconfidence. They said that after overdosing Essence of Self-Esteem, there is no going back!

Well, who said that that's a bad thing? I'm so amazing, it's only right that I should appreciate what an intelligent, witty, superior, popular, funny, lovable, talented, fantastic, nimble, literate, good-smelling, enviable genius I am! Besides, I never do anything wrong, so my overdose of Essence of Self-Esteem was the fault of the people at the Improbable Purchases store for selling me too much of it. Ugh, corporate people. They'll never be like me, their brains are too diminutive to handle everything that I know!

Sorry this Muse is so long... I became so lost in my excellent word choice...