Tips for Gym Class

If you are a boy, some of these tips will be highly unhelpful. If you do not change into a gym uniform for gym, some of these will be highly unhelpful. (Luckies. Changing for gym is a pain.) If you are a boy who does not change for gym, I'm sorry.

1. Always bring deodorant. And put it on. Please. The rest of us will thank you- and yes, people do notice if you forgot to wear deodorant. This applies to everybody.
2. Do not get too aggressive. There are the Olympics. And then there is your average middle/high school gym class. Recognize which one you are in, and set your aggression levels accordingly.
3. Keep your voice down. There are horror movies. There are haunted houses. And then there is gym class. One of these doesn't require screaming when some object is flying at your face. You should have been paying attention, and if you were busy flirting instead of fending for your life, well, maybe you deserve a soccer ball in the face.
4. At least pretend to try. We all have sports at which we suck. I suck at volleyball, gymnastics, and everything. I can't score/or whatever without a disgusting amount of luck. But pretending to try will at the very least get some semi-talented member of your team to cover you. On the other hand, not trying at all will get you marked down for participation and make all of the more talented members of your team talk about you in repulsed tones in the locker room. And let's be honest- they suck too. Having them hate you is just an insult.
5. Wash your clothes once in a while. Once every two weeks, maybe. And change your socks, buddy. Every day for the socks. Honestly. This goes hand in hand with Number 1- people do notice. And even if you don't care too much about what other people think, at least consider your general hygiene. You use this shirt every single day, almost- do you really want to go a nine -week semester without washing it?
6. Don't be a ball hog. Simple, third grade rule- easy to forget. People like to think that they are the best contribution to soccer since Ronaldo, and so they try to zip down the field solo and score. Sometimes they are good, but remember- this is gym class. In the end, not one person cares about the outcome. Pass the ball- you're only making the rest of us look bad.
7. Don't make fun. (Do I really need to tell you this?) Remember me? I suck at almost every sport ever? That means I've had my fair share of ribbing. I got lucky- a lot of mine was good natured (or from Ginger, which is the same but not really), but not everyone can have my fabulous nonathletic lifestyle! Before you tease someone, remember that they probably feel bad enough, and you're not helping. Also, never forget that there are loads of things that you suck at too.
8. Do not exact your revenge in gym class. I am dead serious, this stuff happens. Just because Rachel insulted your physics project, or because Lily asked your crush out to Homecoming first, you are not allowed to smack her in the ankle with your hockey stick...seven times. Don't start verbal/physical fights in the locker room. Don't tell tales about other people in the locker room. [Also, settling your differences in gym class? There are so many more creative venues/methods you could use. Come on. Really?]
9. If you don't want to get sweaty, don't go all crazy on the running. Yes, if it's 76 degrees outside and you're tearing down the field, you will probably have sweat. Do not complain loudly in the locker room, saying "How did I get so sweaty today?" Cry into this perfume bottle. Heaven knows you need it, after all of your sweating. You should just play moderately, not tear down the field that all of our lives depend on winning this game, and winning the game rests squarely on your shoulders.

So! There you have it. Gym class, in nine easy steps.