Showing posts with label Hate. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Hate. Show all posts

28 July 2011

Frets of AAAAH

Perfectionism is something that I strive for. I have always aimed to be better than everyone else at everything, and while I rarely accomplish that, I am usually pretty proud of what I have done. "Practice makes perfect" was an adage lodged into my brain at five, and I have never been able to shake it off completely.
But.
One downside to my quest for spotless, holy glory is that whenever I can't get something after practicing, I begin to lose it. I begin to doubt everything I've ever stood for. I fail at things I used to be good at before, like writing or standing up.
Like now.
I recently started learning how to play the guitar, like every teenager who thinks they're cool because they know how to play guitar (only I am hopefully not that annoying, because I hate people who can play three chords on the guitar and suddenly they think they're Paul fricking McCartney, and one of my fears when I started this was that I would become one of those).
And I can't get it.
I can play a bunch of chords, and I have good hands for guitar (because they're man hands, according to Ginger... *shakes head bitterly*) but I can't...you know...actually play guitar. I can play chords individually, but when I put them together, they sound like Death is skinning a drugged hyena. My fingers can't move fast enough.
And the thing is, even with all of the practicing, I can't get it. I can't get it! And I'm beginning to wonder if I am just being too hard on myself because I started a short while ago, or if I just suck at instruments and should give up now before somebody dies due to my atrocious playing, or if it just takes longer for some people to stop wanting to lie on the floor and die every time I they mess up a chord change.
Muse for Today:
This is wonderful. He's obviously making up for his stupid name.

4 June 2011

Mixed Feelings

I have news to share with those of you who know that I hate my Spanish teacher.
That ought to be everybody, since I never shut my mouth (or my... keyboard?) about how much I hate my Spanish teacher (a lot).
WELL.
In Spanish class, there was a project, which is still ongoing, but part of it was due Wednesday. For part of the project, we separated into groups and these groups were our 'family' when we were moving to a Spanish-speaking country. We each had a part to play in the family. (I was the ten-year-old girl!) And we had to write a thirty-entry diary from the character while they adjusted to life in their Spanish-speaking country. (We lived in Chile.)
I hated this project, not just because it was assigned by my Spanish teacher, whom I hate, but because it was simply annoying and time-consuming, and I had other things I wanted to do but couldn't, because of this wacko Spanish project assigned by my wacko Spanish teacher.
Using my logic (a logic which I find no one else uses or should use) I didn't end up finishing the project until the night before it was due, even though my Spanish teacher had given us two months to do it.
She handed back the diaries on Friday, and mine had quite a few disheartening blue marks all over it (on every single sentence I wrote except for ONE), but so did everyone. But ugh, I'm not supposed to get as many mistakes as everyone! *flips hair*
Anyway. *arranges hair back into normalcy*
SHE told the entire Spanish class (both of them) that she thought my writing was good. That I had the funniest diary she's ever read as a teacher and that she hopes I like writing in English, because 'there is definitely a writer in there' and that if I pursue it, I could go far.
I simply don't know what to think. Do I:
take the compliment because she is has read more books in her life and likes my writing and thinks I could get somewhere with it? Also, because I like compliments?
or do I
denounce the compliment because I hate her and everything she does and feel like my writing must be awful if she likes it? And I feel like my writing is crap anyway? And because bitterness is my thing?

Quote for Saturday, June 4, 2011:
"I'd like to live as a poor man with lots of money."
-Pablo Picasso

Muse for Today:
Why do people use so much more than they need? What makes us feel like we can do that?

Days until finals start: 6, including today.

7 May 2011

This is grea- no! It makes no sense!

I am ashamed to admit it, but I really like clothes. I like books and music plenty, but shopping for clothes gives you an immediate magic.
"The reason consumerism is alive and well in America is because of people like you, FRAS."
-Everyone who has ever heard me talk about buying things
It's an instant kind of judgement that isn't quite imitable, shopping for clothes. Shopping for books is calm, organized, systematic. Shopping for music is a drawn-out process where I end up buying nothing because I cannot commit to anything. Shopping for food is one where I just feel tempted to toss some pudding and fifteen packets of gum into the cart and call it a week. (I wonder why I don't do the shopping at my house...) Shopping for shoes is basically a wimpy battle: 1) I want these shoes. 2) Walk out of the store buying shoes that are infinitely cheaper but ultimately worse than the shoes I wanted. Shopping for clothes is the calmest frenzy. It's an organized tornado of efficient but looping shoppery.
Did you know that this was the very first music video ever shown on MTV when it launched back on August 1 of 1981?
  • Look how far music videos have come in 20 years, as far as technology is concerned! (I mean, plastic tube? Odd bodysuit woman? Shaky camera work? [I'm not really sure if the shaky camera work was intentional or not, actually.]) Look at how MTV has destroyed itself by not playing music anymore and instead inflating the egos of tanned morons who don't have talent but want to be famous anyway? Ha! I am so full of whimsy!
  • I find it funny that a song called Video Killed the Radio Star was the first music video on a channel about music videos. Killing the radio star, one music video at a time. And MTV had to rub it in everyone's faces. Good job, MTV. You used to have a sense of irony.
  • Also, I enjoy the "Oh-wha-oh-wa" women in the background. I always pretend to be them.
  • It strikes me that this song actually makes no sense on its own, and the video clears up nothing.
  • Why did you meet the children? What were you doing in an abandoned studio with the Radio Star? How in the name of alfalfa do you even know this Radio Star? It's not like you ran into her shopping for bread. Even if you did, you wouldn't recognize the Radio Star. The Radio Star didn't go on video. And you were the first/last WHAT? Dear Buggles, what are you trying to tell me?
  • And in the video, I assumed the blond kid was you. I assumed the Radio Star was the woman in a bodysuit. So why did the blond kid morph into the Radio Star?
  • Heh. Turns out I hate this song.
Quote for Saturday, May 7, 2011:
Quotation is a serviceable substitute for wit.
-Oscar Wilde

And so it is.

Muse for a Day:
Songs that tell stories.
Not songs that are about a girl, or a goat, or a garbage truck (while I do love a good toe-tapping garbage truck song), but songs that go through a little plotline in a melodic way. Such as the album Tommy by The Who, which tells a whole dysfunctional story about a boy named Tommy who unwittingly makes himself deaf, dumb, and blind but becomes such a master at pinball that he manages to start his own cult. Freaky, but interesting. Or Catsongs by Tom Milsom, three songs all about a cat named Livia who dies and how the family deals with it. (Also, Catsongs is hilarious in its own right. Catsongs III, when Livia responds, makes me laugh even now.)

31 March 2011

Gone With the Wind

I wrote this and wanted to put it on here, but I seriously couldn't be bothered editing it to make coherent sense. It was written in a stream of consciousness, so some ideas may be more stupid than others.

Also, the formatting on this post is kind of wonky, but there's nothing I could do to fix that...

**Also, I seriously spoil Gone With the Wind for you, so read at will.**

I finished Gone with the Wind, the epically long novel by Margaret Mitchell.

I stormed around for about an hour because, Good Lord, that book is 1037 pages long, and that was it? That was the ending? I was whipped along on some challenging, somewhat romantic ride through the American South during the Civil War, was forced to endure the continuing oblivious nature of Scarlett O’Hara (or Hamilton or Kennedy or Butler, I don’t really know), the sweet stupidity of Melanie Wilkes, the doomed and senseless ‘love’ between Scarlett and Ashley Wilkes, and the odd, unfathomable charisma of Rhett Butler…and in the end, what does that writer do? Lovely Melanie dies, clueless, trusting and pure to the bitter end; Rhett disintegrates because he never got Scarlett and lost his daughter-version of Scarlett in Bonnie and ceases to be the selfish rascal that made me like him in the first place; and Scarlett realizes the truths that I have known the whole freaking time, and ultimately fails to get Rhett. She was so blind for so long that she lost him! In the name of God! What kind of a moron is she?

And it (meaning the fist-clenching idiocy of it all) doesn’t even end there! Scarlett stands in the dining room at the end of the book, alone, freshly rejected by Rhett and in pure realization that she never loved Ashley in the first place, and she says to herself that she’ll think about all the drama of the evening later, because she simply can’t bear to think of it all now.

What in the bloody name of pomegranates? Why do you think this bothers me so much? Because this is what she has been doing for more than one-thousand pages, and it’s sort of wearing at this point. For all that she hates Ashley’s tendency to live in dreams and not look at what was in front of him, Scarlett is amazingly good at this too. She always says that she’ll ‘think about it later’, and then she never does! The problem gets shoved to the back of everything and ultimately ends up corroding the framework of her life. Thinking about it later is why it was ultimately better that Rhett and Melanie had Ashley buy the mill from Scarlett. Johnnie Gallagher was mistreating the convicts so badly, and she just wanted to ‘think about it later.’ Well, she never did. And Ashley got the mill, and he was fully willing to hire freed slaves and pay their wages instead of the cheap convict labor Scarlett so loved.

So this darling little adage of hers really doesn’t seem to do much good, and yet that’s how the book ends. With her thinking about how to win Rhett back ‘another day.’

The way she goes, she might never do that.

But I railed and I complained, and then I started thinking.

Honestly—I hate this ending. This is the longest book I have ever read in my life, and that was one of the most disappointing endings ever written, I think. But it makes sense. I don’t have to like it, but it makes sense.

I was born and bred on Disney and fairytales, and that was my childhood, and I wouldn't trade it for the world. I like that I had a sheltered portion of my life where I thought that everything could be okay, that everybody got a happy ending. But I’ve grown up since then. I’m not foolish enough to say I’ve grown up completely, but yes, I’ve grown up. And maybe this was Margaret Mitchell’s way of telling girls like me that we don’t always get a happy ending. Scarlett was indeed the belle of the county, and she was charming and lovely and that’s what princesses are like. In a way, to so many characters, Scarlett was a princess. But she spent so much of her life pining after something she didn’t understand, something that wasn’t even real, that she failed to appreciate what she did have, which was the love of a guy like Rhett Butler. She was selfish and greedy and stupid and cunning and far too human to be a princess.

In a fairy tale, maybe there’d be some second chance. Maybe Rhett wouldn’t have exhausted all of his love for Scarlett and they could have lived happily ever after, the end. But life doesn’t always have second chances. Not every fool gets second chances if she’s exhausted every resource, every chance thrown her way. And that’s always been a faint truth lingering in the back of my head, but this ending—this horrible, awful, maddeningly unsatisfying ending—really drove the point home. Not everyone always wins. It’s a simple, difficult truth.

I can appreciate it, but I don’t have to like it. I can still like my fairytale endings, because they belong in fairytales. I just need to start growing up and differentiating what happens in real life and what rarely ever does.

But rarely—rarely does a naïve soul like Melanie love a brazen, hard person like Scarlett and not even realize that there is no love back. Rarely is a person so loved and ignorant of that love it as Scarlett was to Rhett Butler. Rarely have I loathed and failed to understand a person, even just a character, as I have loathed and failed to understand the selfish, scheming Scarlett. She was a moron. She trampled people to get her way, she alienated people, she taunted them, used them, clung to them when they were up and kicked them when they were down. She’s no princess, but I guess that might’ve been the point.

18 November 2010

Snob

My return to school this year has made me into... a snob. Or an anti-snob, which is in and of itself pretty snobby. There are too many snobs. Snob. Now it doesn't sound like a word. Snob snob snob.
It has sapped all of my time- well, not really. Combined with my general laziness and my slight lack of time, I have not blogged in some time. It took a bit of cajoling to win back my sponsor. They pay me tens of theoretical dollars. I can't forgo that money, my sirs and madams.
I am an anti-Abercrombie-&-Fitch snob, which means that if I ever stop wasting my time and start doing something worthwhile, they will NEVER sponsor me. I really hate the brand, even if it is begrudgingly well made, because it symbolizes everything I hate. Most of my childhood hatred can be summarized in Abercrombie & Fitch. It symbolizes vapidity to me, the idea of buying something just so you can have the tiny logo on your shirt pocket, bragging to everybody that you just paid $48 for a t-shirt that's so thin you'll pull holes in it by Week 5. Without the logo, the shirt would be costing a lot less. I hate it. I HATE IT.
I am, in general, a snob. But I am a Harry Potter snob almost more than anything.
I hate it when people only watch the movies and don't read the books (what's the point?), I hate it when people watch one movie and they declare themselves 'a fan' (the fact that you own five Hot Topic shirts with Rupert Grint's face on them is, while admirable, NOT directly related to you being a fan), and worst of all, I hate annoying Harry Potter fans who feel the need to rub their Harry Potter lovin' in everybody's faces. We get it, Irritating-Girl-in-My-Math-Class. You've read the books "forty-two times each! I SO wanna go!"
See if I care. Go on, ask me if I care.
NO.
But worst of all is:
"I can't wait to go! My friend got us tickets and everything! So which movie is it? Five?" (True story, by the way.)
AAARGH. Give ME the tickets!
I am also a clothes snob, but I am the worst kind of all- I am a hypocritical clothes snob. I care more about what other people wear than what I wear. Like K. (Remember K, my brother who I represent with a fake initial?) I care very much about what he wears, which makes him want to walk outside in a pair of shabby clown pants and only one suspender.
I wish I owned suspenders. But two, at least.
Quote for Thursday, November 18, 2010:
It is impossible, in our condition of Society, not to be sometimes a Snob.
-William Makepeace Thackeray

Muse for Today:
I am so tired that I cannot decide whether 'Thackeray' is an awful last name or a good one, and whether coupling it with 'Makepeace' makes it better or worse.

20 May 2010

How Embarrassing.

I am clumsy and quiet, which translates that I embarrass myself a lot.
Which is somewhat counterproductive, because the whole bloody point of being quiet is to minimize all embarrassing moments. Does this work? No. Not if you go to my school, where everyone from four years down to four years up knows your name.
Usually, I have no excuse for the stupid things I do. They usually involve dancing, because I could not dance to save my life, although I have yet to find a situation in which I would need to dance in order to save my life. Can you imagine that?

Evil Villain: All right. I have captured you for some unfathomable reason, because you neither hold exceptional power, intelligence, beauty, or money.
Me: That sounds reasonable. And kind.
EV: Now that I have you and am waiting for a response to my ransom note, I will need you to do something.
*dramatic pause*
Else you shall DIE.
*dramatic pause*
I shall need you to dance.
Me: What?!
EV: Go on! The Worm? The Macarena? The fist pump? Anything! Your doom awaits!

THEN I would die. But nothing that desperate has happened to me yet. Still, it just so happens that most, if not all of my embarrassing moments occurred because of dancing, clothing, sneezing, exiting or entering rooms at inappropriate times, and one time, cornbread and Snapple. I don't even remember what happened, just that cornbread and Snapple were involved somehow and that it seemed quite scarring.
Not scarring enough if you've forgotten, says my mind.
Shut up, mind. I am trying to tell a story here, and your comments are not helping. You've already put me horribly off track. Look. I was talking about dancing and now I'm talking about cornbread. Shame on ye.
Ah yes. The embarrassing moments that I push myself into hardly count. I don't even remember those. The ones that other people do to me (which also mostly involve dancing) are the ones I remember best, like a time in the sixth grade that I have only ever told B about. That was scarring.
THIS one. Involves DANCING. It is making me so ANGRY and ANNOYED and SCARED that it is CAUSING me to CAPITALIZE important words.
I don't want to. BLEH.
I will let you know if I survive with my dignity intact. (Which I won't.)
Quote for Thursday, May 20, 2010:
Nemo enim fere saltat sobrius, nisi forte insanit.
No one dances sober, unless he is insane.
-Cicero, Pro Murena (Ch. vi, sec. 13).

Muse for Today:
The fact that school ends in FIVE DAYS and that my gym clothes smell like they were dipped in perfume concentrate because of the Girls' Locker Room, even though my socks smell bad.
And this, which is a t-shirt design that I wish I'd made:

8 May 2010

What do I love?

  • Right now? Not much.
I'm still running off of yesterday. The hatred is still present. Hopefully not perpetually, because that would make me an angry teenager. That is too cliche for me. And I don't know how to be a goth.

7 May 2010

I Hate...

  • the song 'Hips Don't Lie' by Shakira.
  • various people with whom I go to school.
  • war.
  • the presence of war in Social Studies. Can't we talk about anything else?
  • Math. Especially GEOMETRY. My hatred for Geometry deserves its own post.
  • e-mail. Not all of e-mail, actually. How I DON'T CHECK IT AT THE RIGHT DARN TIMES.
  • people who chew their gum like cows.
  • book banners.
  • bullies.
  • the song 'No One' by Alicia Keys.
  • people who look sad all of the time/are always crying.
  • tests. ESPECIALLY MATH TESTS.
  • stupid project partners who don't do their work.
  • stupid friends who act like they're not your friends sometimes.
  • secrets.
  • feeling helpless.
  • speaking in front of people.
  • mannerless people.
  • any song by Ke$ha and Justin Bieber. They could be lovely people, just please don't allow them to sing.
  • Sundays.
  • Mondays.
  • dances.
  • dancing.
  • it when people say that seafood is not meat. Yes, it is.
  • people who have obnoxious laughs.
  • several game show hosts.
  • when it's too too hot or too too cold.
  • unfair teachers.
  • people who are too too perfect/too too nice because they are definitely hiding something.
  • backstabbers.
  • traitors.
  • reality show people.
  • people who are angry for no reason.
  • people who are not angry with me but take it out on me anyway.
  • bad books.
  • corrupt politicians.
  • several people who go to my school. Did I say that already?
  • when the Internet dies.
  • cleaning my room.
  • cleaning anything.
  • Susan from The Chronicles of Narnia: The Last Battle because she's such a doofus.
  • Twilight ripoffs, like this one book called Fallen (don't ever read it, it stinks SO MUCH).
  • angry silence.
  • the sight of gratuitous carnage/blood.
  • certain boys who go to my school.
  • certain girls who go to my school, especially one who fake-bakes and looks orange. She also wears too much makeup- you can see the oil building up at the side of her nose. We have the same birthday.
  • that that girl and I have the same birthday.
  • phonies.
  • when things don't work out.
  • people who roll their eyes when they think that you aren't looking.
  • MTV. I thought they played music. Apparently I was wrong?
  • Sonny With a Chance. The only good thing that came out of that was "Really, Chad? Really?" Well, that's not the only good thing. But it stinks now.
  • vomiting.
  • people who won't read.
  • people who won't read and convince others not to read.
  • Wizards of Waverly Place. That show is just plain bad and I knew it from the start.
  • headaches.
  • bad soap operas.
  • bad movies with bad actors.
  • sexual/violent video games.
  • memorizing nonsense.
  • writer's block.
  • pongal, which is an Indian food that you might have had before. If you haven't, you are missing nothing.
  • when people act like they're really cool when they're not.
  • petty anger.
  • hypocrisy, which I am displaying a generous amount of with this list.
And this isn't even all. I might have to do a Part Two to this.