Showing posts with label What?. Show all posts
Showing posts with label What?. Show all posts

4 June 2011

Mixed Feelings

I have news to share with those of you who know that I hate my Spanish teacher.
That ought to be everybody, since I never shut my mouth (or my... keyboard?) about how much I hate my Spanish teacher (a lot).
WELL.
In Spanish class, there was a project, which is still ongoing, but part of it was due Wednesday. For part of the project, we separated into groups and these groups were our 'family' when we were moving to a Spanish-speaking country. We each had a part to play in the family. (I was the ten-year-old girl!) And we had to write a thirty-entry diary from the character while they adjusted to life in their Spanish-speaking country. (We lived in Chile.)
I hated this project, not just because it was assigned by my Spanish teacher, whom I hate, but because it was simply annoying and time-consuming, and I had other things I wanted to do but couldn't, because of this wacko Spanish project assigned by my wacko Spanish teacher.
Using my logic (a logic which I find no one else uses or should use) I didn't end up finishing the project until the night before it was due, even though my Spanish teacher had given us two months to do it.
She handed back the diaries on Friday, and mine had quite a few disheartening blue marks all over it (on every single sentence I wrote except for ONE), but so did everyone. But ugh, I'm not supposed to get as many mistakes as everyone! *flips hair*
Anyway. *arranges hair back into normalcy*
SHE told the entire Spanish class (both of them) that she thought my writing was good. That I had the funniest diary she's ever read as a teacher and that she hopes I like writing in English, because 'there is definitely a writer in there' and that if I pursue it, I could go far.
I simply don't know what to think. Do I:
take the compliment because she is has read more books in her life and likes my writing and thinks I could get somewhere with it? Also, because I like compliments?
or do I
denounce the compliment because I hate her and everything she does and feel like my writing must be awful if she likes it? And I feel like my writing is crap anyway? And because bitterness is my thing?

Quote for Saturday, June 4, 2011:
"I'd like to live as a poor man with lots of money."
-Pablo Picasso

Muse for Today:
Why do people use so much more than they need? What makes us feel like we can do that?

Days until finals start: 6, including today.

31 March 2011

Gone With the Wind

I wrote this and wanted to put it on here, but I seriously couldn't be bothered editing it to make coherent sense. It was written in a stream of consciousness, so some ideas may be more stupid than others.

Also, the formatting on this post is kind of wonky, but there's nothing I could do to fix that...

**Also, I seriously spoil Gone With the Wind for you, so read at will.**

I finished Gone with the Wind, the epically long novel by Margaret Mitchell.

I stormed around for about an hour because, Good Lord, that book is 1037 pages long, and that was it? That was the ending? I was whipped along on some challenging, somewhat romantic ride through the American South during the Civil War, was forced to endure the continuing oblivious nature of Scarlett O’Hara (or Hamilton or Kennedy or Butler, I don’t really know), the sweet stupidity of Melanie Wilkes, the doomed and senseless ‘love’ between Scarlett and Ashley Wilkes, and the odd, unfathomable charisma of Rhett Butler…and in the end, what does that writer do? Lovely Melanie dies, clueless, trusting and pure to the bitter end; Rhett disintegrates because he never got Scarlett and lost his daughter-version of Scarlett in Bonnie and ceases to be the selfish rascal that made me like him in the first place; and Scarlett realizes the truths that I have known the whole freaking time, and ultimately fails to get Rhett. She was so blind for so long that she lost him! In the name of God! What kind of a moron is she?

And it (meaning the fist-clenching idiocy of it all) doesn’t even end there! Scarlett stands in the dining room at the end of the book, alone, freshly rejected by Rhett and in pure realization that she never loved Ashley in the first place, and she says to herself that she’ll think about all the drama of the evening later, because she simply can’t bear to think of it all now.

What in the bloody name of pomegranates? Why do you think this bothers me so much? Because this is what she has been doing for more than one-thousand pages, and it’s sort of wearing at this point. For all that she hates Ashley’s tendency to live in dreams and not look at what was in front of him, Scarlett is amazingly good at this too. She always says that she’ll ‘think about it later’, and then she never does! The problem gets shoved to the back of everything and ultimately ends up corroding the framework of her life. Thinking about it later is why it was ultimately better that Rhett and Melanie had Ashley buy the mill from Scarlett. Johnnie Gallagher was mistreating the convicts so badly, and she just wanted to ‘think about it later.’ Well, she never did. And Ashley got the mill, and he was fully willing to hire freed slaves and pay their wages instead of the cheap convict labor Scarlett so loved.

So this darling little adage of hers really doesn’t seem to do much good, and yet that’s how the book ends. With her thinking about how to win Rhett back ‘another day.’

The way she goes, she might never do that.

But I railed and I complained, and then I started thinking.

Honestly—I hate this ending. This is the longest book I have ever read in my life, and that was one of the most disappointing endings ever written, I think. But it makes sense. I don’t have to like it, but it makes sense.

I was born and bred on Disney and fairytales, and that was my childhood, and I wouldn't trade it for the world. I like that I had a sheltered portion of my life where I thought that everything could be okay, that everybody got a happy ending. But I’ve grown up since then. I’m not foolish enough to say I’ve grown up completely, but yes, I’ve grown up. And maybe this was Margaret Mitchell’s way of telling girls like me that we don’t always get a happy ending. Scarlett was indeed the belle of the county, and she was charming and lovely and that’s what princesses are like. In a way, to so many characters, Scarlett was a princess. But she spent so much of her life pining after something she didn’t understand, something that wasn’t even real, that she failed to appreciate what she did have, which was the love of a guy like Rhett Butler. She was selfish and greedy and stupid and cunning and far too human to be a princess.

In a fairy tale, maybe there’d be some second chance. Maybe Rhett wouldn’t have exhausted all of his love for Scarlett and they could have lived happily ever after, the end. But life doesn’t always have second chances. Not every fool gets second chances if she’s exhausted every resource, every chance thrown her way. And that’s always been a faint truth lingering in the back of my head, but this ending—this horrible, awful, maddeningly unsatisfying ending—really drove the point home. Not everyone always wins. It’s a simple, difficult truth.

I can appreciate it, but I don’t have to like it. I can still like my fairytale endings, because they belong in fairytales. I just need to start growing up and differentiating what happens in real life and what rarely ever does.

But rarely—rarely does a naïve soul like Melanie love a brazen, hard person like Scarlett and not even realize that there is no love back. Rarely is a person so loved and ignorant of that love it as Scarlett was to Rhett Butler. Rarely have I loathed and failed to understand a person, even just a character, as I have loathed and failed to understand the selfish, scheming Scarlett. She was a moron. She trampled people to get her way, she alienated people, she taunted them, used them, clung to them when they were up and kicked them when they were down. She’s no princess, but I guess that might’ve been the point.

30 June 2010

Nonsense

Well, England was out of the running for the World Cup a few days ago, and I was a little cross over that then, but I honestly never really cared, so I wasn't that upset. I just thought that they were better than that. What happened to brilliant soccer playing? I thought that was what England were known for.
Did you know that sweat is actually odorless on its own? It gets that lovely scent we all know and love when it mixes with bacteria.
I'm really tired. I should go to bed, but I'm not that tired. Actually, I just might be that tired. Never mind.
I know karate. But not that well. I am waiting for the day when I will need to say "I know karate!" and it'll work because it's the truth. But still, not that well.
Look! Trailers!
  • This one is for Flipped, and I flipped (har har. Hmm?) when I saw it, because that book is lovely and hopefully the movie will shape up a lot like the book. I like the song at the end, and I know I've heard it before. But i have no idea what it is!
  • And this one is for Parts 1 and 2 of Deathly Hallows! NOVEMBER! I can HARDLY WAIT!
I hate marshmallow Peeps now, but I used to love them when I was little. My tastes were different. Artificial food dye and sugar in the shape of cute animals appeals less to me now.
Wow, I really should go to sleep. I'm starting to sound insane. Marshmallow Peeps? Really? They are SUGARY. And that is all.
Look! More hyperlinks! My cousin (not Questa or B, another one) showed me this site and it's addicting. I know lots of bookish things, apparently!
Artemis Fowl! ARTEMIS FOWL! I'm rereading The Arctic Incident, and Artemis is nicer when he's being evil.
I'm going to sleep.

Later edit: I apologize for this post, but I'm just going to put it out there because frankly, I've nothing better to say.

23 June 2010

One MILLION!

If you had a million *enter plural of currency here*, what would you spend it on?
I am fond of making lists, and I always always always think about this question. (I think in dollars because do I really have do explain this anymore?)
I am still on a bit of a happy buzz because ENGLAND IS ADVANCING after they WON a couple of hours ago, so I'll make a more cheerful list than my usual pessimism would permit.
(Sorry. World Cup fever. Normally, I hate organized sports, especially on the wretched box, but my father and brother don't like the English team, so how could I resist rooting for them? It's an effect of living in this house.) (Yes, the United States is advancing, too- but shut up, Sarcastic Susie.)
So. England.
What would I do with a million dollars?
  • Go on a trip to England
  • Gloat to my brother that I have more money than him
  • Buy myself enough sandwiches for the rest of my life
  • Save at least a quarter of it
  • Buy myself The Beatles Box Set
  • Give maybe about half to my parents
  • I would go and buy up a Barnes and Noble (or at least all of the decent books in there. I would also save money to buy books online.)
  • Donate some to the library/cancer research/are there any orphanages around here? Then I could donate there/The Nature Conservancy/PETA/a science lab/anything else that comes up
  • Buy that ridiculous number of nice t-shirts from Threadless
  • Buy jeans. I need some jeans.
  • Buy some magnetic chalkboard paint (because I'm not sure if it exists) and paint the wall in my room with it
  • Go to visit my cousins
  • Buy a guitar (so that I can carry it around and look cool, even though I'll probably stop practicing three minutes after having it)
  • Bribe someone into giving me a copy of The Lost Hero early, because I made the mistake of reading the excerpt and now I can't wait for it to come out!
  • A microphone!
  • A black light
  • Whipped cream- enough to swim in. And then I'd swim in it, and it would be amazing. But there'd still be enough to eat.
  • Music? (I'm actually running out of things to write. I can't believe that.)
  • I'd leave it aside until I thought of other stuff to buy. Or save all of it.
My conclusion? Money can't buy most of the things I want, like to actually finish that story that I started two years ago. Perseverance and determination can! *heroic music plays in the background*
And I don't have too much of those, so...
*Music fizzles out*
So.
What would you do with a million dollars?

19 June 2010

Superficiality

Yeah. I'm clearly on the computer right now.
The other day, after I published the post, I dragged myself off of the computer and went- le gasp!- outside!
I saw the sun, smelled the grass, saw actual people, and rode my bike for the first time since April. It was very weird, but very fun as well.
I still can't spell weird. I always come up with with either wired or wierd, both of which are so horribly wrong that it's comical. I can't spell 'necessary', either. I always put in two "c's" instead of one. GAH. That's why I prefer paper, because paper doesn't tell me when I'm wrong. I'm never distracted by red and green squiggly red lines when I write on paper, and I can just (pretend to) write, without being distracted by every darn thing that I spelled wrong!
However, what I'm trying to say is that going outside is a very nice experience, and I am trying to do it more often.
Yesterday, five minutes after I went outside, a thunderstorm started, so maybe Mother Nature hates me and wants me as far away from her as possible. I don't know. Maybe I'll try again some other time.
But besides my laziness and my lack of desire to finish all of the summer math I must finish, I have a really minor problem.
Superficiality bothers me. It more than bothers me. I have gone on and on about how much I HATE superficiality, and it should have gone on that list of things that I hate.
I know all of these stupid girls who care more about how they look and who they date than what goes on inside their heads. Half of them haven't even heard of malaria, genocide, and other stuff that's actually really pretty important.
Hello, future of the world! (I live in the U.S., and most of the girls I know are like this. Hopefully not too many other girls in the world- whether they're American or not- behave this way.)
I'm not saying that it isn't nice to take pride in one's appearance. It's better if you do that, actually. It shows how you think of yourself. But not enough people stop thinking about that?
What am I trying to say?
Don't be superficial.
What makes someone superficial? If someone is a deep person but is also completely and totally obsessed with his or her hair, what does that make them? Is it even possible to be deep and still have an almost-overwhelming fondness for one's hair? If it's almost-overwhelming, maybe not, but what if you just really like your hair to look nice? If someone usually listens to good quality music but likes one really filler kind of music, what...what is that?
I guess why would be a better word.
Quote for Saturday, June 19, 2010:
"I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?"
-Jean Kerr

Muse for Today:
How long I can go while avoiding my summer math. I haven't done any since Monday. I have to turn it in tomorrow, though.

13 June 2010

Dreaming

Have you ever had anything completely destroyed?
Once, I had this little statue of two women churning butter. It was a nice little wooden statue, and I liked it a lot. My brother was angry with me (for some reason), so he broke it on purpose when I wasn't home. I fixed it with a hot glue gun, but then he just broke it again.
That made me angry. But none of his stuff is breakable, so my revenge was (and is) still uncarried-out.
That isn't what I'm talking about, though. I mean mentally. Like someone told you a fact, and it ruined the little picture you had going in your head.
I'm explaining this badly.
It's like the one guy who 'ruins everything.' You know, that one fact-checker who is always like "Dogs can't fly! That's impossible!" and you just want to tell them that you're just dreaming anyway, idiot, so shut up and let me think!
But even after that, you can never look at what you were thinking about the same way again.
I am usually that person, but I am starting to look upon myself with disdain, if that makes any sense.
It was like I found out that Vertigo was an actual place. (It's a club in Germany.) The song was a little less nice after that.
If I have mercilessly confused you, I apologize. I don't even know what the heck I'm talking about sometimes.
Quote for Sunday, June 13, 2010:
"I told you I was sick."
-written on Jeremiah Johnson's grave

Muse for Today:
and I saw Toy Story 2 yesterday and I feel so, so OLD. I'm not that old. I hope.